we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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