Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my poor anus
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
