You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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