I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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