why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
