i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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