yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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