best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
