My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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