You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
