It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
