so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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