I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
