His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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