We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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