i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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