I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
