i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
