I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
