listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need a shit load of segways right now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize