This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
