can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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