did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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