So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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