Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
