if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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