Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
