Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
