I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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