I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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