i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
