some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
