This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
