You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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