I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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