I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
