I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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