margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize