she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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