She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
