allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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