I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
