Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
