I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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