I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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