I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
