Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
