You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
