my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
