dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
