rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
