peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
