Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
