i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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