I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
