Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
