Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
