I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
