Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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