I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
