Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
