I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
