I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I AM VODKA MAN
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
