The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
where am i from again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
