Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
