My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
