I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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