so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
