Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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