MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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