awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
