trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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