no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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