She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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