I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
