The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize