note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
