Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she told me i tasted like america
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
