I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
the raccoons are back...
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