Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
